054 - The Three Pillars of Executive Presence: Gravitas, Communication, and Appearance

John: You're listening to The Present Professional, where we explore the intersections of personal and professional development. To change your experience of life and work with every episode.

Tony: So tune in, grab your notebook, and let's go. Let's go.

John: Welcome to another episode of the present professional today. We're going to be discussing executive presence to give you all an introduction into the three pillars that make up executive presence. And the research that is commonly referred to is the book executive presence by Sylvia Ann Hewitt. So, if you want to go a little bit deeper into some of the concepts that are presented today and discussed by Tony and I, you can refer back to that book and we'll have a link to that in the show notes as well. So, before we start diving into the three pillars of executive presence, I want to shift over to Tony and when you hear executive presence, Tony, what's the first thing that comes to your mind?

Tony: boss, you know, being the boss in a sense of, I don't think it's just about your position though. I think the first thing that comes to my mind is understanding that you are in control. Even if it's just meaning you're in control of yourself. I'm not saying that you got control over people or your title makes you the biggest authority in the room. No, I really mean it's like you kind of just have a sense of full control of yourself, your body, your thoughts, your language, what you say. So, you know, I think of just being in control, being the boss, being yourself. You know, I love what executive presence means and I'm Super excited to unpack this book and provide these key messages. So, you know, let's do it.

John: You know, that's a great place to start is, you know, this concept of agency or control. And, you know, what I see is in control of ourselves means not letting the circumstances of our life or environment sway the way that we view the world in one particular moment. And I think that really sums up the executive presence. You know, can you be that steadfast rock in the room when things get shaky? Can you be the place or the person that holds the team together when it feels like external circumstances are driving the company or the market in a different direction you planned. And now we talk about the human qualities that make up that kind of presence. And to get into the way that it's presented in the book, there are three pillars of executive presence. The one is referred to as gravitas or essentially the weight that you carry in your presence, like the way that you act, the way that you show up, the way that you hold space in a room. Now, the way that I look at this is On the spectrum of reactive to mindful, this is the way that you move through space moment to moment. Are you constantly living in a space of fear or anxiety, like looking over your shoulder, being in judgment, not having this element of basic trust that you have what it takes to meet the challenges ahead of you or that you have the basic trust that to know that everything's going to work out. I think a lot of the gravitas portion, which they say is about 70% or so of the whole, the totality of executive presence. I think it really comes down to that relationship with yourself. And we can even circle back to the first series that we did on emotional intelligence. It starts with self-awareness, then to self-management. That quality that you even just mentioned in your first thought of executive presence, of the way that you manage yourself, essentially. Are you letting external circumstances drive your emotion? and let your emotions control your actions? Or are you being mindful of the situation, being able to acknowledge your emotions, and then act from a place of choice and decisiveness? Then I think that grows to the other areas of emotional intelligence. Where you start, when you're able to manage yourself, you're able to see what's happening around with others. The social awareness piece and then being able to manage that when it comes to your teams and their emotions and being able to lead a whole team forward. You know, and that other concept from the book that adds to this is, you know, she says that leaders balance decisiveness with compassion. And I think that's the way to frame up having both that self-management and relationship management piece of your emotional intelligence. Right. You have that together. So not only are you able to remain calm and decisive, but at the same time, you're able to see what's happening in the room and be able to make decisions with others in mind. Because if you're leading an organization, you're leading a team. If you make decisions and the team doesn't come with your vision, you're not going to execute in the same way that you've envisioned. So that's how I see the first pillar of executive presence that she presented. And this gravitas portion are kind of the way that you show up and carry yourself. I think it comes down to those fundamentals of emotional intelligence and, you know, the relationship you have with yourself, your basic trust, and the way the where you lie on the spectrum of reactive to mindful.

Tony: Mm-hmm where you lie and reactive to mindful that's that's good And you know as you as you was talking about that and not to go to the next pillar I want to go kind of backwards deeper into this one because I think that there's gravitas that you're talking about Or the confidence that you need to exude it really comes from multiple places probably But I do think a big part of it is you doing the work right so like showing up as this person where you show up and people see a result of the work that you've done because you've you're exuding this gravitas but it has to come from a place right like I saw this video it was like a workout video and he was talking about that your strength in your body comes from your back and your power comes from your legs never saw it never seen it like that before I was like it's interesting But I think about Gravitas, right, and your ability to show up and look strong, it has to come from somewhere that people most likely won't see, right? Just like your back. Nobody's really, who looks at me? Maybe people do. I don't know. I don't look at people's backs when I try to wonder if they're strong, right? I'm just like, man, he got this confidence, but then you really get a chance to look at me like, oh man, his legs, he might work out. I don't know, I never do that. But I'm just saying, this strength, this power, this confidence has to come from somewhere. And it's likely coming from somewhere that people can't see. So when you walk in the room, don't worry about wondering if they've seen that you have thousands of followers on social media. Don't worry about if they, if you have to have written, you know, three books before you feel like you have this gravitas. No, like, they don't have to know anything about your background, because if you've done the work, you can walk into the room knowing that you are that person. And if you're not, then that means you have some work to do. And that's okay, because people can also sense if you're faking it. You know what I mean? If you walk into the room and you're pretending to be this person that you're not, the person who is will definitely recognize you for not being who you say you are. So, you know, I love where this is coming from. I love the examples that the book provides. These serious, big, social movements that have happened in regards to, like, really crises, not just movements. 9-11, BP oil spill. It's not in here, but I think about Enron, right? Like all these different things that have happened in our society, there were people, a lot of times people that we don't recognize or know, that were behind the scenes and had to answer questions in the face of crisis. So again, they may have been doing the work for 10, 20, 30 years, and then here they are in this moment of crisis, and their gravitas showed up.

John: Yes. And that will be the moment that tests. Right. In especially in a moment of crisis, leaders with executive presence are there's there's no hiding. So, the ones that hold executive presence, hold that firmly, you know, within their being, you'll be able to notice that in a moment of crisis. And those that have been, you know, the quote-unquote fake it till you make it approach, well there's no longer there's no longer faking it you know when you don't have a strong foundation during a moment of crisis and you know i'm glad you said that like you brought up the faking it piece because i think that's that's a big thing that's been In like this where physiology meets psychology, all of this like kind of power stance approach and fake it until you make it type advice that is out there everywhere. You know, it goes to an extent. where I think the fake it till you make it or kind of show up in that show up in a different physical presence to influence your psychology, I think works if you are doing the work and are shy in representing yourself in the light of doing the work. Now I think that then faking it can start bringing out a little bit more of the work that you're already doing for others to see and then you can start embodying that. But if you're faking it and not doing the work behind the scenes, like not building a strong foundation, not delivering results in your current role, then it will get exposed and then when that gets exposed it's just like trust you know it takes time to build trust right and you know that is i think a part of executive presence as well from a social standpoint is like building that image of trust and that someone that people can rely on And then, you know, if you're if you're faking it, moment of crisis comes around, then no one no one sees who you've been. And then as soon as you see that, that bit of distrust there and it's coming out that, oh, you know who I thought this person was, was a lie. Now you've taken 10 steps back. So, again, I just wanted to double down on what you said, that there's no hiding from doing the work and delivering results. Right you have to you have to really put in the time and the effort To know that you know you're doing what it takes behind the scenes But then you know it comes up to the faking it piece can help Whenever he goes to showing that to the rest of the room, so I'm glad that that you brought that up Yeah, man, no doubt.

Tony: It's no way that you can show up in those rooms if you haven't done the work So I want to definitely make sure people understood there, and it's okay to to not be there. It's okay to be climbing up the hill toward where you want to be. And it's okay to have to show up and maybe you got a new role where you're suddenly in charge of people. Or maybe you have a new job or a new situation where you're suddenly the boss or the manager or the one who has to make decisions. And now you're like, hey, I'm not faking it. I'm just in this situation where I'm now in charge and I don't really have the gravitas yet. That's fine. That gives you opportunity to learn, train, listen to podcasts like this and network and put yourself in position to do the work.

John: mm-hmm now moving on to the second pillar so the second pillar of executive presence is your communication it's I love the way that they say this in the book is it's the way that you talk the walk So the walk being the gravitas, the way that you show up in the room and be able to exude this trust, courage and confidence. But then, you know, are you talking the walks? I think that this comes into where doing the work will be evident as well in the way that you communicate. Are you able to get your points across decisively? You know, the way that your voice comes across, you know, when you're, you can always tell when someone is unsure about something or when they're asked a question that they don't necessarily know the answer to. but they feel like they can BS their way out of it. The tone changes, the confidence in their voice changes. You can tell that there's like longer ends on words when they're trying to kind of draw out sentences to kind of lose people in the answer as opposed to saying, well, at the moment, you know, I don't have the information. to back this and i know exactly where to go to look for it so let me get back to you after i talk to so and so or this team or something like that it's you know giving someone your path to the solution is even better than just saying you know oh I'm gonna have to look into that one. I'll get back to you. You know, that's the that's the general response Okay, I don't know right now and you know, let's carry on with the rest of my presentation or whatever that you have whatever that you're doing at the moment and I think that Being able to provide your path to finding that solution and then a time a time frame with when you'll get back to them is you know the best way to kind of answer that i don't know type question but i'm using this as an example of when your voice changes like when that confidence is not coming across in your voice when you just don't know And that's okay. But it's also, it's also, you're also able to say, I don't know, in a confident way. Right? So that's one example. And then the other thing I want to hit is filler words. Like, what are you saying in your message that is taking away from your point? Now it's a lot of, Um, I know like, you know, those things that just take up space, even so, you know, like, and you start to become aware of them. whenever it's brought into your consciousness by a coach or someone that you're working with a mentor and this actually was one thing that we did religiously in yoga teacher training. So to be able to stand up in front of the room and deliver a class experience and to deliver a message and intention for class, to do it in a clear and decisive way. And during the whole training, when anyone stood up in front of the room to share or was sharing with a small group or anything, we had a sound that we would make as a group whenever anyone used the filler word when they were talking. And our sound was an owl sound.

Tony: Hoo, hoo. Distracting.

John: Right? So every time that anyone would say like, um, you know, like filler words that took away, that did not add anything to your message, there'd be just owls all over the room. Hoo, hoo.

Tony: Hilarious.

John: Right? And I'll say that that, That had more of an impact on the communication piece of my executive presence than anything I've done in my life. So becoming aware of that is, I think is like the first easy step that people can take to delivering their message with more impact. is becoming aware of those filler words.

Tony: Yeah. You know, I was thinking when you were talking about the first part of this principle, I was thinking that great leaders ask good questions. So there have been times where I've been in rooms or I've been in meetings or even just on stage too, where maybe people have asked me a question that I didn't have the answer to. or maybe a question that required a little more research. And, you know, it's okay even if you get a question that you don't even understand fully. So sometimes that'll happen too. And I think that as a leader, if you're in a situation where someone asks you a question, and you don't understand, you should feel confident to say, can you rephrase that for me or can you unpack that for me in a different way? I'm not sure I'm fully understanding or I'm not fully following your question. And I think that is scary for some leaders. or some people who are wanting to be on the path of executive presence, and it's a fear of, you know, incompetence. Because you're like, maybe I'll look stupid if they can tell that I don't understand their question. Man, ask the question again. Can you please say that again to me in a different way so I can fully understand?" And then that just even creates a dialogue moment for you as a leader or executive where you're able to get them to say it in a different way and now you understand and now you can maybe even answer the question better than you thought you could. Because they said it in a way that you're like, I see exactly what you're saying. Because I mean the human language is so complex. We'll talk to one person this way, we'll talk to one person that way, and then when we're in a room, a gathering of peers and people that we don't know, we're trying to find the most neutral way to talk. And sometimes your neutralness is not mine. So I may need you to rephrase that for me, say it a different way so that I can fully hear you and provide you the answer. Because I may have it. I just may have heard you like all wrong. Or maybe you should say it a different way where your angle is different. Sometimes I've seen this happen too, and not just with me, I've witnessed it, where sometimes people ask a question that is basically a bulleted question. They are trying to get the person to say something on their behalf that makes no sense. But they want the person to validate something in them, and the person's kind of like, where the heck did this question come from? So they're trying to make sense of it, and then when they ask it again, the person realizes that they've been seen, they've been had, so they're kind of like, well, I mean it like this, you know, and they give an example. You know what I mean? And then it's like, ah. That's another thing to ask for. Right. An example. Make them tell a story. And as far as filler words and communication, I wanted to just, I think we talked about this on our public speaking episode, but pause, pause, pause for silence. When you're, that's, that's one thing I learned when you are presenting and you're a filler word person. I'm a filler word person. I use them. I can't help it sometimes. But when I'm really on and I'm, yeah, when I'm really on, I'm really, I'm giving a real live presentation and there's a moment for me to, to kind of set the table or set the room up or set up what I really want to say or nail or get across. Give him that silence, man. Pause. And really pause and gather your thoughts and read the room. I was seeing a great leader the other day. He was killing this speech he was giving. And in the middle, he just drank some water. And I'm just like, you deserve that water, man, because you're killing it right now. Right. He had the executive presence down to a T. But yeah, I just want to throw in those things about silence and putting it back on them sometimes when you don't understand. Hey, can you explain that to me? Actually, can you give an example and see what happens? Yeah.

John: Right. And sometimes and sometimes what you'll discover through that is maybe their question wasn't necessary. It's like what I find is sometimes people just love to hear themselves talk. Right. And, you know, is is this question furthering the initiative of the meeting like is, you know, is providing this answer, this insight going to drive any more value? Yep. Right. And sometimes questioning the questioner can expose that.

Tony: What is it called? Wait, why am I talking?

John: I love that. I love that. And then, I mean, the power of the pause, that's, you already drove it home. That's, and that's another way to exude executive presence to, you know, show your comfort with silence. Your comfort with silence is reflective of the comfort with yourself. So I think that that's, that's a big, that's a big piece of it.

Tony: Let me add onto that because you said something right there. I know that if you are a person that leads meetings, let's just use that one, or even speaks publicly, we all do it. We'll say, are there any questions? Or we'll say, anybody have a comment on this or whatever? And once it gets too quiet, we get nervous because we think it's a reflection on our content or ourselves. Make them wait. Double down. I'm doubling down on what John just said. Make them wait. And when you really want somebody to, you really want that dialogue, just wait on it to come. Because there's a person on the edge of their seat that wants to say something, but they're scared. Let them in. If you're in person and you got that eye contact, Bring a man drag him in Susie you look like you want to say something. She'll jump right on to it. You know I was thinking John

John: Exactly. Exactly. No, that's that's a great point to drive home. Thanks, Tony. And I think with that, it's a smooth transition to the last pillar. Now, we talked about at the beginning gravitas, the way that you show up and carry your confidence and courage into the way that you talk through that, the way that you communicate and share that presence. And, you know, they say that I believe it's about 70% and then about 20% on communication. And then 10%, or the smallest portion, is your appearance. And the way that I look at appearance is, are you doing anything that is taking away from your executive presence? right? There's, you know, they talk about being groomed and polished in the book, right? And now, and that's, you know, if you want to be taken seriously, so be groomed and polished. And with that, I look at it as, are you doing something that is taking away from your message? So if you're delivering, if you're delivering the decision, the information, the consulting to in the room, in your role, and you're exuding that with, with confidence, with clarity, courage, but then, you know, it looks like you haven't, it looks like you haven't taken a shower in three days. That's only detracting from your executive presence. It's do the baseline of keeping yourself presentable in a way that's not going to distract from the power of your message. That's the way that I look at appearance. You know, I'm not saying that you have to pick up a, you know, pick up a GQ and, you know, get the latest in fashion and style to be able to communicate with more executive presence. But are you doing anything that's taking away from the power of your message? Right. And with that, I think it's even more important in taking care of your body. Are you presenting yourself in a way that looks like where people may question or is this person going to be able to take care of my business better than they take care of themselves? Now, that can look like you're the way that you're the way that you're breathing. you know, the way, the way that you're, the way that you're holding, the way that you're holding weight, the way that you take care of yourself when it comes to health, nutrition, exercise. And I think that that comes back not just to appearance, but I think it goes back to the first one. It goes back to your gravitas. Are you taking care of yourself in a healthy way that supports the foundation of believing in yourself and having the courage and conviction behind your message? So I think taking care of yourself adds to your gravitas. And not taking care of yourself really has a reflection in this appearance category. So am I going to trust this person to take care of my teams, my business, if it looks like they're struggling to take care of themselves? And you can be in different areas around this. And I think if you're if you're conscious of it, do you have to be chiseled and fit the model to be in that light? No. But are you health conscious in some way? And are you taking steps to be more health conscious? And when I say health conscious, it's on an afterthought that you are conscious of taking care of your body.

Tony: You read the room. Read the room. If you are a person in leadership or aspire to be, and you work at a certain place, or you're around certain people, look around. These are the people that you're going to be leading. What do they look like? That gives you a barometer to understand where you need to either aspire to be, change, or lead when it comes to your physical appearance. Me, I say max out, like just do the best you can with who you are because as a leader or as a person seeking executive presence, you're not just going to be around the people that you work with. You are going to be in rooms and networking and going to be around other leaders. So, you want to show up and be a part of the group dynamic of people that are waking up early, going to bed late, making it happen, not making excuses, and taking care of their bodies with all that going on. And I think it gives you a piece of clarity too. You will be more polished, more groomed, and taken more serious by you taking care of yourself, your clothes, your hair, your face, your skin. But there is something to be said about the way you can think clearer when you Kind of like, for example, they say that, and I guess it's not totally true because I was about to talk about Barack Obama's suits and he did wear that tan suit one time, but they say that Obama basically wore three colors of suits. He wore gray, blue, and black every day just to help with his decision making so he had less decisions to make when it came to critical thinking. And when it comes to grooming yourself, the more polished your appearance, the more you, I guess, use the dry cleaners or whatever your thing is, just the better you are at being clear about what you want to communicate when it comes to your appearance. When it's time to make a decision, you're not having that fog of, I wonder what they think of me. I wonder if they're taking me serious. I'm worried about the way I look in this dress. That's natural, but again, your strength is in your back, your power is in your legs. If you're doing the work that nobody can see, you're working out late, you're waking up early, working out in the morning, whatever it may be. When it's time to deal with people, that's one less thing. The physical is completely off the table and you can just focus on the work, right? So I hope that makes sense to people. I think that is just one of those things that is so true, but we don't speak to it enough. And I think that when it comes to executive presence, And, you know, coaching, especially John, I'm sure you talk to people about this in regards to some clients even, and it's good to have that. And the last thing I was going to say is that people want to be led by people that they either trust or feel they can trust. So they want to be led by people that look like they got their stuff together. John, you already said that, but I want to double down on that and say that people work eight hours a day. for a company and that's a third of their day, which is probably roughly a third of your life, right? It's already broken down scientifically. But don't you want to be led by people or a person that you trust or feels like they have it together if you're going to be spending that much time of your life giving it to a company, right? So just remember that too.

John: Yeah, when it comes down to it, there are also the parts of taking care of yourself that we hadn't mentioned here that I think goes, you know, ties into all three of these pillars is the way that you're taking care of your your mind, your heart, your mental, emotional and spiritual health. you know, even more so than your physical body, even though they're all connected. And, you know, that's the last thought that I want to leave everyone with is, you know, the foundation of all of these pillars are what you're doing to fortify your mental, emotional, spiritual and physical foundation. Now, you start from there and build the basic trust in, you know, the way that you can show up for yourself and navigate the world. And then a lot of these pillars, once they're put in your awareness, if you're taking care of the foundation, they'll build themselves, right? Then you keep each of these pillars in your awareness. Am I showing up with courage and conviction based on the strong foundation I already have? Am I communicating that decisively, clearly and effectively without words that are taking away from my message? And then am I doing anything with my appearance that's taking away from my message and my presence? Right? So take care of the base and the rest is going to take care of itself once it's in your awareness. So, I'll leave you with that, is what are you doing to take care of your mental, physical, spiritual, and emotional health. We'll build from there. Thank you guys so much for listening. It's wonderful to talk about this subject that's really close to my heart and it's really present in a lot of my clients. So, again, build the foundation and we'll see you next time on another episode of the Present Professional. Take care.